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Published on April 3rd, 2010 | by Bryant Kazmerzak, Contributor


TRUTHrant #03

I’ve been a gamer for 17 years. That’s older than a large portion of the “gamer” audience these days. I know I’m only 21 years old, but that kind of makes me feel old.

It’s gonna suck when I get older.

Anyway, in that time, I have become more and more engaged with game after game; Sonic, Star Fox, Goldeneye, Mario 64, Halo, Prince Of Persia, Fable, GRAW, FEAR, and now God Of War 3 and Splinter Cell: Conviction have all, one after another, taught me several things. What have they taught me? Read on and find out.

-1: Kill Cam sucks.

Imagine this: You’re pwning face in a game of Modern Warfare 2, slapping bitches down with your tactical knife, shotgunning them in the back, and popping them in the head with your assault rifle, when some noob who couldn’t get a fair kill on you tracks you down immediately after spawning and hoses you down with his double shotguns (And then promptly rapes a dog). It’s the bane of competitive multiplayer: Kill Cam.

There is nothing worse than trying to snipe in games like Modern Warfare 2 and Bad Company 2 (Non-Hardcore mode), because immediately after getting a kill your target knows your exact location. It’s a pain in the ass, because you may be able to get the drop on a newb, but there is no way in hell the sniper you just picked off from your prime sniping perch, the guy who knows the map just as well as you, is not going to zero in on your forehead and send some lead your way.

Kill Cam was made as a means to “balance gameplay between the casual player and the hardcore audience”. Now, I can understand if you want to involve Kill Cam in a “Casual Mode”, such as Bad Company 2’s default multiplayer option, but to have it be rampant in the normal gameplay of Modern Warfare 2, it kind of sucks for the advanced player such as myself. I wont toot my horn too much here, seeing as how I’m only rank 61 and have never “Prestiged”, so I will digress where it comes to that, but the facts are that even Prestiged players get effing pissed when they snipe some bitch from across Wasteland and then have to go find some new place because their position is now forfeit.

And before all you elitist assholes out there start going off about how “Camping is for pussies”, tell that to the .50 Caliber Magnum round I just sent through your sternum in Bad Company 2, noob.

In this picture: SFC Irvin, PFC Bargas, PO1 Kazmerzak (And 3 soon-to-be-dead guys)

-2: I can’t FEEL MY LEGS!

Modern day First Person Shooters have a pretty common problem that pisses me off, because it’s not quite a technical problem on the part of the developer to implement it as much as it is an act of laziness.

I am speaking, of course, of the lack of legs on the player’s character.

I have played so many FPS’s that the number borders between “Uncountable” and “Over 9000”, but I can count on maybe 2 hands the number of FPS’s that have included your own goddamned legs. Halo 2, Killzone 2, Mirror’s Edge, and several others offered you a view of your legs, be they armored, beefy, or sexy, but why is it that the list of games that allowed you to view such awesomeness is so short? Hell, even Quake 4 let you see your legs. Of course, they got chopped off, but still. I mean, I know it’s not a huge gripe amongst gamers; It’s not like Mom and Pop Gamer sit down at the dinner table after a long, hard day of gaming to eat some m3atl0af, sip some 8-Bit Vintners, and talk about the lack of legs in FPS’s like how real families talk about teen pregnancy, ObamaCare, and terrorism… But it’s not a pressing matter in the grand scheme of things.

It’s not like Kill Cam, which can make a person now want to play the game period. Not seeing your character’s legs isn’t necessarily a game mechanic that’s needed to make a story work. It’s just a minor complaint I have; I mean, I know I’m not playing as one of those hover zombies from Return to Castle Wolfenstein, but Gordon Fucking Freeman has legs, he uses them, and god dammit, I want to see them when I look down. I know I have legs on my body, and when I’m walking, I look down to make sure I’m not going to fall into a bottomless pit, etc. So why can’t I have legs on my nameless terrorist in Counter-Strike, or on my nameless soldier in Bad Company 2? Once again, it’s a small effing gripe, but it’d make the game that much more immersive for me.

My theory? Game developers are either lazy, or all of the protagonists you play as served time in ‘Nam.

At least you're not this guy...

-3: Let’s Make a Date!

I am a World of Warcraft player. I have been ever since a particularly traumatic break-up with an ex girlfriend I had back in 2007. An old friend of mine, Lony, introduced me to the world of Azeroth in November of that year, and ever since then I have embraced it as one embraces a dear friend. I love the world, the gameplay, and the players. But there is one thing that gets to me; One thing that makes me want to impale my monitor with my keyboard, an act that has been achieved maybe twice in all existence:

Elitist players.

Or, as the internet calls them, elitist jerks.

Normally, these are the players that have no lives, who have every piece of god-tiered gear, who are members of the high-end raiding guilds, who have legendary weapons and balls-high stats and shit. They look down on new players as common trash, and anyone with sub-Godly gear should quit the game and leave the top 1 percent of the player base to their own devices.

I never had a problem with these types of people until I played WoW… And then I started noticing them everywhere. Kind of like that “once you see it, you cannot un-see it” sort of deal.

I started noticing elitards in games like MW2 and BC2, and other multiplayer games. The guys that camp starting posts with a BMD to rack up kills and experience points; The dudes who equip dual Model 1887 shotguns and sprint around a map killing everything because they have no actual skill, and others… But people like these get rewarded for their unsporting demeanor, with high-level only weapons and titles and ranks and stuff. And then, it’s low level players they end up preying on!

The phenomena I am speaking of is when high level “Prestiged” players prey on low level non-“Prestiged” players. It’s a pain in the ass starting any game of MW2 out as a rank 1+, and get matched with a bunch of 5x Prestiged rank 70’s (Which is basically rank 300), which is a gigantic turn off for a lot of newcomers.

Actually didnt photoshop this one. It was painted like this. #GAMINGlie

Halo 3 had some of the best matchmaking around with the TrueSkill system. It matched players within a few levels of each other, so that such skill imbalance wouldn’t occur, which was a relief for casual Halo 3 players. Otherwise newbs would get their asses ganked by “[OG]_2-PAC-wygga4_lyfe!!” for hours on end, which just isn’t that appetizing to a lot of gamers, myself included. Now, granted, I love me a challenge. Modern Warfare 2’s matchmaking does have that imbalance, but I use it to my advantage; For one, I am pretty good, I just haven’t invested as much time as the little 13-year-olds you play with on the PSN. Second, when they’re running around with their dual Rangers and Model 1887’s, I’m sitting back nice and cozy with my thermal scoped Intervention, waiting to pick them off and move to a new location.

I don’t know, maybe I bitch too much. Maybe I am too in-touch with the gaming masses. Maybe I am sick of being paired with the PSN equivalent of T-Squared. Who knows?

Talk at you next week,


Shaddz was very dismayed to log into his email account and see that not one soul has sent him a picture of themselves with their favorite consoles. Deejay! WiiG! DoubleD! HALP!


Shaddz [at] GAMINGtruth [dot] com

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